Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Tuesday's Forecast: Doubt, Insecurities, and a Chance of Oversleeping

This morning I woke up to sunshine peaking in through the slats of the blinds covering the lone window in my room. As I slowly creaked one eye open, then the other, I could not believe how rested I felt. It almost had the same coloring as my getting enough sleep, a strange phenomenon. Then I caught a glimpse of my alarm clock. With a menacing neon green glow the time 8:20am shined. Which is all fine and dandy except for the fact that I eat breakfast with my friends at 8:30am and have a class soon after that. Needless to say, in two steps I was in the shower. Thankfully, I made it downstairs before 9:00am, scarfed two muffins and anything that had caffeine in it, gave my salutations to my friends, then stumbled out of the dining hall in a nervous sprint to class. You see, I also did not get the chance to memorize a script that I had to perform for my Spanish class this morning. It was probably the best morning I have had so far, truthfully, all sarcasm cast aside. Those muffins were delicious. I know these things happen to the best of us, today was just my long overdue turn.

Last night my amazing girlfriends and I had an absolutely necessary dinner, considering the events that went on throughout the day I could not have kept it together without them! As best friends do they consoled my worries and let me know that this guy deserved every last letter that was sent in those text messages. I know that some of my readers think differently, and that's perfectly acceptable, even welcomed. There was a point in yesterday's events that I did feel remorseful for the things I wrote. I was mean, and I am never mean. I was angry too. Ok, do you know the part in "Enchanted" when Giselle figures out that she is angry with Patrick Dempsey? Where she says "I'm angry at you!" then giggles. I was Giselle yesterday. My ire was a foreign being. It felt funny to be angry. It was almost funny. Almost. Even though it was probably the first time in my adult life I have ever acted on my anger, it proved to be a milestone in me standing up for myself. I have let myself be kicked around and walked over for a good portion of my life it wasn't until this guy wronged me that I had the chance to become a stronger woman, and I thank him for that.

In a way, I did feel pathetic. This feeling was not from just this one little err from some guy, but a whole mesh of errs and guys who did not treat me with respect. I am learning that it is okay to have a weak spot here and there. After all, I am not a super hero, and let's all be joyful for that because I am not so sure how I would look in those multi-colored tights. Jokes aside, I am simply Rach. I even cried about it, which is embarrassing to write because I know that he may read it. But I did cry. It is a fact. I was laying on the floor, talking to my Mom for the twentieth time that day, when the tears began to sting my eyes and my throat began to feel tight, like after you dry swallow a pill. Crying, as it turns out, made me feel even worse. Why? Because after all of the emotions that were flung around yesterday I knew that he was ok and not the one crying. That even after all the mean things that I wrote, I still was the one who was hurt.

This is honestly the fourth time for me writing this blog, I keep trying to censor my thoughts and my feelings. What I am reading doesn't sound like me. Today I got a less than lovely comment from an anonymous reader, which was just another icky gross aspect of the day that I adoringly call Tuesday. I didn't want to write another blog just to see it attacked again. This blog is my diary, my innermost thoughts go into it. So when there is slander against me and my blog I feel upset. Luckily, as I am a blogger loved by all, these set backs will not stop me from doing what I love. Writing. I love to write. Today a friend told me that it must take so much dedication to blog everyday. It may seem like a chore to some, but when it is something that you love to do there is no essence of "work" whatsoever. I am telling you, yes all five of you who read this blog, that I will keep on writing. That hopefully the posts will get better, my writing will improve, and that I can entertain you guys with my thoughts. I love writing for you all.

Today is the day to accept the process of growing up (yes, that even includes the big hairy parts)
Tonight is the night to center myself, and
Tomorrow is the day to be the best blogger I can possibly be :)


  1. Wow! I found inspiration amidst the things you've written in the past few days. Although the light at the end of the tunnel may seem distant, It's good to know you have friends by your side who love and care for you enough to see you through! Here's to them! and To you writer, although this guy that you speak of who has wronged and hurt you, cheer up for the best is yet to come! Put a smile on that face and see the bright side even in the most precarious of situations. You seem to be a bright girl, so keep doing what you are doing and do it well! Speaking from someone who has had many a falling out, I've learned its better to forgive than to forget. The words you spoke prob did more damage than any "punch in the throat" could ever do. Know in the end you're a strong woman and that crying is never a bad thing. I see strength in those that can actually show true raw emotion like that. I hope he wasnt sadistic enough to make you crying one of his motives, after all you did give him quite a nice introduction in the beginning. He seemed alright just scatterbrained as men normally are. If it makes you feel better here's an irish saying that usually cheers me up: “May God grant you always...A sunbeam to warm you, a moonbeam to charm you, a sheltering Angel so nothing can harm you. Laughter to cheer you. Faithful friends near you. And whenever you pray, Heaven to hear you.”

  2. Thank you so much for your kind words. You have honestly made my night! I love the quote that you shared, I am quite the sucker for good quotes and that one is by far amazing!

    Thank you for reading :)

  3. "I am telling you, yes all five of you who read this blog, that I will keep on writing. That hopefully the posts will get better, my writing will improve, and that I can entertain you guys with my thoughts. I love writing for you all."

    And we love reading what you write :)

  4. Rach you are fabulous :) A fabulous writer, a fabulous friend, and a fabulous girl :)
    Crying cleanses the soul, don't worry about showing how you feel.

    Love youuuu :)

  5. I am not "anonymous"
    Love ,
    Ma Ma